On the way to heaven’s warmth
by brigitta1
Summary: “If I die Jesse…” “Then I will die too.” EmmaJesse, character death.


_**OW! I totally forgot to thank my reviewers last time! And that is just the fun part of it; thanking people. Since I am a little stuck at what my plans were for chappie 4 of 'No hope left', I choose to let it be for a while and search my memory while writing this little one shot.**_

_**Don't hurt me please! I am only watching my steps. Don't want to ruin the progress of the story. Also some one gave me an interesting idea for 'no hope left.' **_

_**Thank you Irismoon.**_

**_This one is dedicated to all the wonderful people up here!_**

_**Enjoy!**_

**_Disclaimer: I don't own them. Just borrow them for a while._**

**_Summary: "If I die Jesse…" "Then I will die too." Emma/Jesse, character death.

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**On the way to heaven's warmth**

Running. All he wanted to do was running. Feeling the wind he hadn't felt in days. A cold wind flowing through his hair and clothes. Goosebumps rose but he didn't mind. For one moment he could forget. For a moment he didn't have to talk about it.

People kept nagging. Asking him if he was alright. - They couldn't possibly be alright themselves, still grieving for loosing a friend. A sister - So how could he ever be alright if they all kept asking him. Remembering him about the fear, pain and quilt.

Every single moment he thought about her.

About the favourite dress she wore that night. A purple dress so soft and glancing in the moonlight during midnight picnics together.

About her hair that tickled him when she stood close by him.

Her small fingers trailing circles on his back when they were alone. But especially her face.

That perfect face with the small smile on her lips whenever she enjoyed the warmth of their house, their family.

_Her auburn hair dangled loosely around her face. Her blue eyes gazed at him and it was as if she could look right into his soul. But he didn't mind. Never had. "Do you think Adam will find us?" " Sure they will. They will keep searching. Shalimar will prompt Adam and Brennan to continue searching." _

_She smiled slightly at his words but remained silent. Her smile never reached her eyes, because she knew just like him it could be to late. they could die in there. Together but cold. Missing the safety of Sanctuary. Missing the assurance of rescue. Although their older brother and sister, whom they never really had before, would try._

"_If I die Jesse…" "Then I will die too." He cut in. She kissed him softly on his cheek. Whispering softly in his ear. "Promise me you'll live for me. So there will be some one that remembers me. But not a friend, nor a brother or sister. But a true soul mate." _

_He looked as small tears trailed down on her face. "I don't want to die. But I want you to survive if I have to. You can tell them then that I loved my family. I feel no pain, Jesse. And if you promise me, then there will be no fear._

"_I promise. But you have to keep fighting Emma. There is still so much I want to share with you. That I want you to show me."_

"_And I will Jesse. I will."_

The dark sky started to rumble above his head. Bolts of lightning were flickering across the sky. It was eerie silent outside. Every one had sought protection for the upcoming storm.

_The small fire died as soon as Emma's body stopped bucking up and down. Leaving him alone with his fears. She still breathed. Shallow and unsteady now. Her body was loosing the fight. To much blood had covered the ground around them. _

_A single spot of moonlight coloured the cave floor in tints of blue and grey. To small to chase all the shadows away. To big to hide the blood. Impossible to forget how many days had gone by already. 4 days and 4 nights without food. Without medical supplies. _

_He kept telling himself that although her wounds were bad the supplies could have saved her. Now the crashed bones in her legs were untreated. Her running fever unmentioned. And he had watched and kept watching as she slipped away. Ever so slowly but ever so insistent._

_Would he be able to survive if she stopped breathing? Stopped being truly there._

_He shifted his weight to hold Emma's head into his lap. Protecting her for more pain. To feel her close while he kept watching helpless as she slipped away a little further._

He stopped running looking at a small cave at his right. Dark spots coloured the rocks. Her blood. His blood. Loud rumbles startled him.

And for a second he saw in a back flash the big rocks rolling down. Burying Emma's legs. He could still hear her cries of agony. He still felt the quilt.

_He had heard a faint sound of creaking and breaking. And had watched in horror as the first pieces of rock fell down. He had turned himself around with difficulty in the small cave. he watched as Emma crawled on hands and knees in the opening of the cave. His mind went blank as half of the cave tumbled down. The size of it was terrifying. _

"_Emma! Emma!" he had felt blindly around him in the small space calling out for her. Fear settled down upon him. Panic attacked him when he saw her small frame. It was half buried under rocks, covered with dust. Reaching out in the small space he tried to calm himself down. "Alright, I just have to phase this all, get you from underneath this mass and race back to Sanctuary." His racing thoughts concentrated on the task at hand. _

"_No." a small voice interrupted his concentration. Her once strong voice sounded painful. The strain was clear. _

"_Jesse, When you haul this rocks off from me I will immediately die." Her right hand touched his cheek. And with sudden realisation he knew it could probably be their last time together if help didn't come soon enough. Though he didn't want to admit it was possible. Not without fighting._

"_Then I stay here to." When he saw the beginning of an argument he cut in. "I can't go out. I would have to phase every little piece of rock to walk out. Which means I have to take the risk of lifting those rocks from your legs. I can't take that risk Emma."_

He could still hear her warning echoing through his head before they got stuck in the small cave**. "That cave will collapse Jesse. You can't go in there."** Followed by his response, driven by stubbornness.

"**And I can't walk away from here knowing that child will be buried under those rocks."**

_He took her limp hand in his. It felt cold. Her spasms of pain had ended long ago. Her body had become to weak to move, to feel._

_But he could still feel. He balled his other hand into a fist pounding on the ground and against the wall. _

_Little bricks and dust fell down on them. Leaving him close to screaming._

"_Forgive me Emma." He whispered. "For choosing an unknown new mutant above you."_

Jesse looked up at the sky and closed his eyes. Biting his lip he couldn't contain the grief any longer. Grabbing his face with his hands he screamed. And kept screaming until his throat was raw.

He had marched away leading Emma right into the arms of death. There had been no child into that cave. Some one had set them up. Probably Eckhart. Maybe some one else.

But it didn't matter any more. His decision had been the cause of Emma's death.

Slamming his fists into the mud he cried. Tears mingled with the rain that fell down. As if Heaven was crying with him. Feeling utterly alone and nothing but quilt, he rocked back and forth. Raindrops glided through his hair making it damp.

He looked suddenly up, the moon colouring his unshaved face and red rimmed eyes. Dark shadows moved over his features. He listened.

_There is still so much I want to share with you. That I want you to show me."_

"_And I will Jesse. I will."_

He looked past the cave and saw there a beautiful light, just above the cliff. Tears still fell down but a new hope arose. "Emma." He whispered. Struggling to close the distance to the cliff he kept calling her name.

"_Emma opened her eyes and looked right at him. She felt a deep love that comforted her. Strange. She always thought she would be afraid to die. But here, with Jesse, she felt nothing but peace. Though it shouldn't surprise her. _

_She had difficulty with staying awake. She felt she was loosing the battle. _

"_Don't worry Jesse. Everything will be alright. I feel no fear nor doubt." Her voice broke. "Please Jesse…Tell me one more time… what I used to tell you… after a nightmare." Struggling for air she relaxed when she heard the comforting voice of the one she had loved most. _

_Jesse breathed deep and held it. Only to slowly release it. "There is that garden. It is a light green garden where the sun is always present. Can you smell the roses? There red heads are bowing, greeting you. The sweet smell of lavenders are flowing with the wind. The papavers are green, greeting the sun. Watch that Pine apple three and passion fruit. Their sweet taste will comfort your pain and fear."_

_He watched as Emma took a deep breath slowly releasing her last resolve. _

_And there was nothing else but silence…_

He could hear her. Her sweet voice. He would be with her in the light and the green garden.

He opened his eyes. -

And looked into the faces of three friends instead of the face of his precious Emma.

His friends looked worried. Scared.

"_I trust you to keep your promise Jesse."_

"_I know and I will."_

Even when it mend that a strong desire of asking forgiveness, while he could hold her in his arms, would break him. Like he broke her life. He had never apologised to her.

The light of the green garden lingered a moment longer but then only darkness remained.

He knew he could find her again in heaven. But instead of heaven he had ended back in hell.

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**_I am really sorry for mistakes. I have no knowledge of any flowers so I looked some of them up. I choose colours that seemed appropriated for the flowers. But hey, it is a little bit of fantasy story from Emma so it could have been any other colour you like! _**

**_And for all the L/J fans out there. This is just a little exploring and side step don't worry! Although I have to say it was kind of nice to write and I may do it again! grin_**


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